DR. DUM ARCHIVES - September 2002 QUESTION 09.26.02 I have a sharp pain in my side, the dodctors in the Emergency Room don't know what it is. They ran all kinds of test and still don't know, am i dying?!? -HELP!!! ANSWER I doubt you're dying. I couldn't get that lucky. You just need to see the right kind of doctor. Like, a good one. QUESTION 09.26.02 Is the world ruled by a midget sitting in the center of the earth listening to old Carlie Chaplin songs? And are we all, in reality, cosmic tools of ultimate power-- pawns in the hands of supreme beings? -Cattle Carrot ANSWER Hmm.. That's a toughy. I'd say fate rules us all and we're just pawns to him. So I was going to write this no matter what. QUESTION 09.11.02 Going with today's standards of TV, why cant we just hold a vote and kick Noah off the site, he is the weakest link, goodbye. -Goofus ANSWER Sounds like a plan to me! (Interruption From Dr. Noah-- Excuse me? I am getting sick and tired of my hate mail that is getting sent to Dr. DUM here. I give good advice, I give serious answers and look at the CRAP I have to put up with. Do you know how many questions I delete everyday that go "Hey Dr. Noah, You're soooo dum, I hate you're stupidness!" You know what else? I bet it takes you forever to type up questions like this BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DAMN STUPID TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FORMULATE THEM SOMEWHAT COHERANTLY! ) QUESTION 09.11.02 Is the earth round? -Anonymous ANSWER Is your head round? (Interruption From Dr. Noah-- Look at this! DUM here gets away with answering questions with questions and I have to put up with this and come up with an answer to an obvious question?! ) QUESTION 09.11.02 I'm curious, what is that little dangling thing in the back of your throat called? -Fat Guy ANSWER It's your uvula. Everyone knows that but you fatty. QUESTION 09.06.02 Do you have any remedies for an ear problem? my is feels stopped up all the time like it has fluid in it please answer soon Thanks -Donna ANSWER Since you obviously don't know who you're dealing with, I suggest a screwdriver. Just jam it in there. That'll fix ya right up. (Note From Webmaster-- For legal purposes we forbid the good Doctors here at DUMWeb to give any medical related advice. If you are looking for medical advice, we ask that you please seek advice from professional medical doctors.) QUESTION 09.06.02 Why don't we use children as currency? -Famous Vagabond ANSWER That's a great idea! You could say, "Billy, if you don't stop hitting your sister, I'll pay the phone bill with you next month!" Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved