BLONDE JOKE ARCHIVES - March 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Blonde Archives $20 Bet 03.28.05 Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Homer says,"You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Homer placed $20 on the bar and said, "You're on!" Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Homer, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 'clock news and knew he would jump." The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again." ....Homer took the money....... -Cora Rate This Joke: 14 (  +  |   -   ) Lunch Time 03.23.05 An Irishman, a Mexican and a blond guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building.' The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, 'Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.' The blond guy opened his lunch and said, 'Bologna again. If I get bologna sandwiches one more time I'm jumping too.' The next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees burritos and jumps, too. The blond opens his lunch, sees the bologna sandwich and jumps to his death as well. At the funeral the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again! The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, 'I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.' Everyone turned and stared at the blond's wife. 'Hey, don't look at me,' she said. 'He makes his own lunch!' Rate This Joke: 13 (  +  |   -   ) Parking 03.23.05 Chris and his blonde wife live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, 'We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.' Chris's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, 'We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.' Chris's wife goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says 'We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...', then the electric power goes out. Chris's wife says, 'Honey, I don't know what to do.' Chris says, 'Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?' Rate This Joke: 1 (  +  |   -   ) 03.10.05 A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde "stand in the circle and DON'T MOVE!". He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said "Oh you think that's funny. Watch this." He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car. When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it . He goes back to his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire. He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down. "What's so funny ?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "When you weren't looking I stepped outside the circle 4 times. -BOB Rate This Joke: 17 (  +  |   -   ) 03.10.05 "How come you're late?" asks the bartender as the blonde waitress walks in the door. "It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course; all my training came back to me in a minute." "What did you do?" asks the bartender. "I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!" Rate This Joke: 0 (  +  |   -   ) 03.10.05 One day a husband was chiding his beautiful blonde wife about leaving her keys in the ignition of her car. "If I take them out of the car I lose them," she reasoned. "Yes dear, but what if someone steals your car?" the husband countered. "Oh that's okay," the wife chirped happily, "I keep a spare key in the glove box!" Rate This Joke: -4 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 A blonde walks into a bar and buys a drink,the bartinder says "its on the house" so shes gets a ladder and goes on the roof. -Tara Rate This Joke: -6 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 One day a blind man walks into a bar and shouts "Who wants to hear a dumb blonde joke?" suddenly everyone goes quite and a man comes up and said "listen buddy, the bartenders blonde and has a rifle, and about everyone in this bar knows kungfu. are you still going to tell that joke? the blind man thinks and soon said, "na, I don't what to have to repeat myself over and over untill you get it." -Greg Rate This Joke: -9 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom ao a swimming pool. Q:How do you make a blond go nuts? A:Put them in a round room and tell them to pee in the corner -MAIN PLAYER Rate This Joke: -10 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 Q: What does a blond and a screen door have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser they get. Q:What does a blond and speatii have in common A:They both wiggle when you eat them Rate This Joke: 0 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 Q: If a blonde and a brunette both fell off the Empire State Building which would hit the ground first??? A: The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions! Rate This Joke: 2 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snowplow and follow it" Pretty soon a plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about 45 minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with Walmart, now you can follow me over to Target. Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 A blonde, visiting in New Orleans, walks into a store selling genuine alligator shoes. She admires the shoes, then asks the store owner how much they cost. The store owner tells, and the blonde exclaims, "That's way too expensive. I could kill an alligator myself and get the shoes for FREE." The store owner then smirks, and says, "Sure, whatever." Later, the store owner sees that exact same blonde standing waist deep in a bayou with a pistol in hand. The store owner watches in amazement as the blonde shoots an oncoming alligator between the eyes and drags its carcass onto the bank with several others. The blonde then looks at her latest kill. She says, "Darn it! This one doesn't have any shoes either!" -memering@hotmail.com Rate This Joke: 6 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 3 girls, a red head, a brunette, and a blond was sentenced to die and all of the soldiers were there waiting to shoot them. They all were trying to think of a way to escape. So the red head yelled "HURRICANE" and the soldiers looked back while the red head escaped. Then the brunette yelled out "TORNADO" and the soldiers looked back and she escpaed. The blond yelled out "FIRE" and they shot her. -lilflwer2@aol.com Rate This Joke: 7 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 Q: what do you call a blonde with half of a brain? A: GIFTED Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on a Friday? A: Tell her a joke on Monday Q: How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? A: Both are empty from the neck up Q: What would a blonde say if you blow in her ear? A: Thanks for the refill! Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear -memering@hotmail.com Rate This Joke: 0 (  +  |   -   ) 03.09.05 Q:what do blondes think cheerios are? A: doughnut seeds Q: why dont blondes wear red lipstick? A: because red means stop Q: what do you get when you put a lot of blondes together in a row? A: a wind tunnel -Melissa Rate This Joke: 14 (  +  |   -   ) Electronic Store 03.09.05 A blonde goes into an electronics store and says to the clerk "I would like to buy that TV" The clerk says "I'm sorry we don't sell to blondes here" So she leaves and dyes her hair red. The next day she goes into the store and the same thing happens, so she goes tho the beauty parlor and gets a complete makeover hair , nails, tan, make-up everything. So the next day she goes into the electrinics store and says " I want to buy that TV please " The clerk says " I already told you we don't sell to blondes here" The blonde says " Well how did you know I was blonde? I went and got a makeover and everything" He says "Lady you have been here three times in three days and thats a microwave" -Melissa The Breast Stroke 03.09.05 Three women, a redhead, a brunette and a blonde were going to swim the English Channel using only the breast stroke. Well they started off and disappeared into the fog. Four hours later the redhead came up on the opposite beach and started toweling off. Thirty minutes fter that the brunette came up on the beach and started toweling off. Well, fours hours after that, the blonde came up on the beach, totally out of breath. She walked up to the judge and said, "Listen, I don't want to sound like a sore loser, but I think those girls used their arms." -Illusion Rate This Joke: 8 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Blonde Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved