FAMILY JOKE ARCHIVES - July 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Family Archives Never Give a Frog as a Gift 07.21.05 A woman is shopping for a pet, as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices this pet shop are charging seem very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back, that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog. Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs." The woman is stunned, but as her husband loves this sort of sex, and she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep, happily knowing she won't be bothered by her husband that night. She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans, and pouring over cookbooks. "What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, your sorry @ss is out of here!" Rate This Joke: 1 (  +  |   -   ) Too Much Teasing . . . 07.21.05 It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt. The zoo is not very busy this morning.As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the woman, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along. She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down. "Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him." he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips. Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her into the cage with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache . . . " Rate This Joke: 3 (  +  |   -   ) Who Wears the Pants? 07.21.05 A young newlywed couple were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed the husband who was a big burley bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said,"here put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants." she said. "That's right!" said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in this family!" With that she flipped her panties and said, "Try these on." He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "Hell I can't get into your pants!" She said, "That's right and that's the way it's going to be until your damn attitude changes! Rate This Joke: 6 (  +  |   -   ) Petting the Kitty 07.21.05 A typical married couple were lying in bed one night. The wife had curled up ready to go to sleep and the husband put his bed lamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he paused and reached over to his wife and started fondling her "kitty". He did this only for a very short while. Then he would stop, and resume reading his book. The wife gradually became aroused with this. Thinking that her husband was seeking some response as encouragement, before going any further, she got up and started stripping in front of him. The husband confused, asked, "What are you doing taking all your clothes off?" The wife replied, "You were playing with my "kitty", I thought it was foreplay to stimulate making love with you tonight. The husband said, "No, not at all." Then the wife asked, "Well what the hell were you doing then?" To which the husband replied, "I was wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in the book." Rate This Joke: -3 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Family Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved