LAWYER JOKE ARCHIVES - July 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Lawyer Archives Bribing the Judge 07.21.05 A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them.", replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer? "I sure did, that's how we won the case . . . good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card." Rate This Joke: -1 (  +  |   -   ) Testimony 07.21.05 Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim? Defendant: No, I did not. Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury? Defendant: Yes, I do. And they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder. Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) Divorce Lawyer 07.21.05 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a very well-dressed, middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on a huge stack of bright pink envelopes. Each envelope has hearts all over it. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentines cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. Rate This Joke: 8 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Lawyer Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved