LIST JOKE ARCHIVES - August 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | List Archives Top 10 Office Dares 08.25.05 10. Shout random numbers while someone is counting. 9. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. 8. Leave your zipper open for an hour. If anyone points it out, say "Sorry, I really prefer it this way". 7. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it". 6. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times. 5. For a day, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob". 4. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again". 3. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?". 2. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call. 1. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!". Rate This Joke: 5 (  +  |   -   ) Top 10 Signs Someone Plays Too Many Video Games 08.25.05 10. They ask for all their money in quarters. 9. They're not sure what season or year it is. 8. They're best friends names are Mario, Lara and Sonic (if they have real-life friends). 7. The video game store sends them 'get well soon' cards when they're sick. 6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams. 5. Their fingers twitch constantly. 4. If they haven't been in for a couple of days, the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right. 3. They can play 2 player games by themselves. 2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name. 1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can't be bothered to read it themselves. Rate This Joke: 5 (  +  |   -   ) Top 10 Bad Excuses for Speeding 08.25.05 10. My brakes weren't working, officer, but hey what do ya know...they're working just fine now. 9. Do you mind, officer, I'm missing Wheel-of-Fortune. 8. If you'd be willing to look the other way this one time, officer, I'd make it worth your while... say, a rent one get one free coupon for Skippy's Video Galore? 7. I was just making sure that your radar gun was working properly. 140 KPH, you say? Yep, it's in perfect condition. 6. I'm sorry, officer, but I'm rushing my wife to the hospital. Where's my wife? I knew I forgot something! 5. It's urgent that I get home to answer the telephone. 4. The devil made me do it. 3. I'm employed by O.J. Simpson and I'm in hot pursuit of the real killer. 2. Don't talk to me, officer, talk to K.I.T. 1. I just took a laxative. Now either let me go or watch me go, your choice. Rate This Joke: 7 (  +  |   -   ) Top 10 Things that Would Happen if Men Planned Weddings 08.12.05 10. Rehearsal dinner kegger! 9. Wedding Theme: gourmet beer from around the world. 8. Invitation states in big letters: bring money not gifts. 7. Invitation reads: Come meet my future ball & chain on Jan. 18, 2002. BYOB 6. A "Bouquet Pool" is set-up on who will catch the bouquet. 5. Vows mention cooking and sex specifically. 4. Bridesmaids wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops. 3. Dance Floor Rule: Dance too close with the bride - get punched in the face. 2. Wide screen TV showing the big game during the reception. 1. Wedding favours consist of 2 for 1 pizza coupons. Rate This Joke: 1 (  +  |   -   ) Top 10 Vacation Spots Determined by Occupation 08.12.05 10. Manicurists: Finger Lake, B.C. 9. Fortune tellers: Palm Springs, California 8. Gossip Columnists: Grapevine, Texas 7. Surgeon: Medicine Hat, Alberta 6. Pianists: Florida Keys 5. Ecologists: Greensville, Ontario 4. Podiatrists: Arches National Park, Utah 3. Ship's Captain: Harbour Deep, Newfoundland (for Tugboat Captains there's Little Harbour Deep, Newfoundland) 2. Sheriffs: Marshalltown, Iowa 1. Politicians: Dodge City, Kansas Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) Top 10 Things Not to Say at a Funeral 08.12.05 10. What's that smell? 9. So who's sleeping in the box? 8. Can I have his car? 7. (to the widow) Now that you're single, how about a date? 6. People sure look stupid dead. 5. I wouldn't have loaned him my good rope if I'd known what he was using it for. 4. It's so hot, I'm dying from the heat! 3. I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit. 2. I guess this means I'm out the $20 he owes me! 1. It must suck to be dead... When do we eat? Rate This Joke: 2 (  +  |   -   ) Top 10 Things not to Say on Your Wedding Night 08.12.05 10. Hurry up! This room rents by the hour! 9. Can you please pass me the remote control? 8. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ 7. On second thought, let's turn off the lights. 6. Try not to smear my make-up, will ya! 5. But I just brushed my teeth... 4. Smile, you're on Candid Camera! 3. You're almost as good as my ex! 2. Now I know why he/she dumped you... 1. I have a confession... Rate This Joke: -2 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | List Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved