MISC JOKE ARCHIVES - July 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Misc. Archives Not To Worry... 07.21.05 A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber runs out of a bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are OK. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was taking a pee and this bullet came out" replied the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking a pee and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago. A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the Mom, "I know what happened....you were taking a pee and a bullet came out." "No," says the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.. Rate This Joke: 11 (  +  |   -   ) Twelve Inch Pianist 07.21.05 This guy walks into a bar, pulls out a tiny piano and stool, and a tiny little man, the tiny man sits down, and starts to play the piano. This other guy notices it and say, 'Hey, whats that?' The other guy says 'A twelve inch pianist. Ya see, I found this magic lamp, rubbed it, made a wish, and I got a twelve inch pianist.' The other guy says 'Cool can I try?' and he makes a wish. A minute later, a million ducks fill the room. The guy says 'Ducks? I didn't wish for a million ducks, I wished for a million bucks!' The guy says 'Ya think I really wished for a twelve inch pianist?' Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) Learning to swear 07.21.05 A 5 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?," says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we start swearing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna say 'hell', and you say 'ass',ok?" "Ok." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw, hell mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out. The Mom looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?!" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios." Rate This Joke: 9 (  +  |   -   ) In Line at the Bank 07.21.05 While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons I told her that if she did not start behaving" right now", she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. Rate This Joke: 10 (  +  |   -   ) Naked Jamaicans 07.21.05 A man was holding a fancy dress party, the theme was emotions. The day of the party came and the guests started to arrive. One woman came dressed in green with the letters E and N on her chest. The man asked "What have you come as?" she replied "Im green with envy" The man then sees another woman who is wearing a pink suit with a pink dicky bow. The man asks "What have you come as?" she replies "Im tickled pink" The man then sees 2 jamaicans who are both stark naked. One has his cock in a bowl of custard and the other has his cock in a pear. The man is shocked and asks "What the hell have you 2 come as?" The first man replies "Well Im Fucking discustid and hes fucking dispear"!!! Rate This Joke: 13 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Misc. Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved