SEX JOKE ARCHIVES - March 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Sex Joke Archives 03.10.05 There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it. Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that." She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family." With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said. She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family." Rate This Joke: 11 (  +  |   -   ) 03.10.05 Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a lil' boogie in it!! :) Or have sex w/ it.... Rate This Joke: -12 (  +  |   -   ) 03.10.05 This couple had been married for years, however they hadn't had sex for absolutely ages, and the wife was gagging for it. One night when they were both lying in bed and her husband was reading a book she suddenly felt a hand moving up her thigh and started rubbing her fanny, but just as she was about to come it went away. So she decided to go back to sleep. However minutes later the same thing happened again and just as she was about to come the hand went away. So by now she was pretty pissed off so she turned around to her husband and said, "why the hell do you take your finger away when i am just about to come?" So the man says, "I wasn't trying to feel you up. I was just wetting my finger so I could turn my page." Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) 03.10.05 A man walking to his bus stop saw in front of him a very fine looking lady; possibly a working girl. Under his breath he mumbled. "I sure wish I could have A little pussy." The young lady heard his wish and said ya me too mine's as big as a bucket. -spaulson865@cs.com Rate This Joke: 2 (  +  |   -   ) She Don't Have The Grounds 03.10.05 One evening after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when one observed a rather well dressed and attractive lady walking just ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $50.00 to spend the night with that woman." To their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark and turning around she said, "I'll take you up on that." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion goodnight, the man accompanied the lady to her apartment where they immediately went to bed. The following morning the man presented her with $25.00 as he prepared to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating that, "If you don't give me the $25.00, I'll sue for it." He laughed, saying, "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds." The next morning he was surprised to receive a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgement against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented." After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your Honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot. Surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $50.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises he paid only $25.00, one half of the amount of rent agreed upon. The rent was not excessive since it is restricted property and we ask that a judgement be granted against the defendant to assure the balance." The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amazed at the way his opponent has presented his case. His defense, therefore, was somewhat altered from the way he originally planned it. "Your honor, he said, "My client agrees that the young lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such a property for a time and a degree of pleasure was derived form the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property, around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft and erected a pump, all labor being personally performed by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid balance, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgement not be granted." The young lady's lawyer comeback was thus, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property and that he did make the improvements such as my opponent described. However, had the defendant not known the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft and took the pump with him. In so doing, he not only dragged his equipment through the shrubbery, but also left the hole much bigger than it was prior to his occupancy, making it easily accessible to little children. We, therefore, ask that the judgement be granted." And she got it. -Sally Rate This Joke: 1 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Sex Joke Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved