SEX JOKE ARCHIVES - May 2005 Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Sex Joke Archives The Camel 05.25.05 There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?" Rate This Joke: 5 (  +  |   -   ) Strip Club 05.25.05 A man went to a strip club. When he got inside he noticed a seat conspicuously unoccupied in the front row. Seizing the opportunity, he took the seat. As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, "Yeah baby! That's what I've been waiting for!" The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look. A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two pasties. The guy behind our friend goes off again. "Yeah baby! Shake those things." Our friend turned around and said, "Hey buddy, calm down!" After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man behind our friend yelled out, "Oh baby! You're almost there!" Our friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya!" A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the pasties and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, our friend turned around and asked, "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?" The guy responded, "It's all over your back, dude." Rate This Joke: 0 (  +  |   -   ) To Hell 05.25.05 A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil greets him, "You may choose which room you wish to enter. Whichever you choose, the person in that room will switch with you. They'll go to heaven and you'll take over until somebody switches with you. So go on, pick a room." The devil leads him to the first room where someone is tied to a wall and is being whipped. The second room has someone being burned by a torch. The third has a man getting blown by a naked woman. "I choose this room!" the man says. "Very well," the devil says. He walks up to the woman and taps her on the shoulder. "You can go now. I've found you're replacement." Rate This Joke: 1 (  +  |   -   ) Sex Problem 05.25.05 A man goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc". "Well", says the quack, "Tell me about your average day". "Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work". "Oh I see", said the doc. "No, hang on", said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there". "Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No you don't", said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom". "Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No no no", he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie". "Now I understand", said the patient doctor. "No, hang on", said the man. "When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack". Ahh....", said the doctor, "now I see..". "No, there's more", said our man, "when I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards". "What's your problem?". asked the doc. "Well...", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate" Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) Microsoft Programmer 05.25.05 A woman had been married three times and was still a virgin. Somebody asked her how that could be possible. "Well," she said. "The first time I married an octogenarian and he died before we could consummate the marriage." "The second time I married a naval officer and war broke out on our wedding day." "The third time I married a Microsoft Windows programmer and he just sat on the edge of the bed and kept telling me how good it was going to be." Rate This Joke: 5 (  +  |   -   ) Shopping Expedition 05.25.05 A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You foreigners Come in. Come into my humbleshop." So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on and see for yourself?" Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn't seen in many years -- raw sexual power. In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani man, threw him on the table and started tearing at the guy's pants. All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET YOU HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET" Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) 80yr old virgin 05.25.05 There is an 80 year old virgin who suddenly gets an itch in her crotch area. She goes to the doctor who checks her out and tells her she has crabs. She explained that she couldn't have crabs because she was a virgin, but the doctor didn't believe her, so she went to get a second opinion. The second doctor gave her the same answer. So she went to a third doctor and said "Please help me. This itch is killing me and I know that I don't have crabs because I'm a virgin". The doctor checks her out and says "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you don't have crabs, the bad news is that your cherry rotted and you have fruit flies." Rate This Joke: 1 (  +  |   -   ) Bob The Sperm 05.25.05 Once there was a sperm named Bob. When all the other sperm were just swimming around, Bob was doing sprints and lifting weights all the other sperms asked him one day, "Why don't you just swim around like us?" Bob replied, with a smirk, "Well, when the time comes, I'm gonna be the first one there". The others told him it was just destiny, but he said it wasn't. So, the day finally came when they were called upon. They were swimming along when Bob pulled ahead of the rest. Suddenly he stopped and turned around and headed back. The others asked him why he turned around and he said, "Back up boys it's a BLOW JOB!" Rate This Joke: 4 (  +  |   -   ) Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Sex Joke Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved