LIST JOKES Back to Main | Submit a Joke | List Archives Rejected Childrens Book Titles 10.01.05 REJECTED CHILDRENS BOOK TITLES: 1. Juggling Knives is Easy 2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven 3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things 4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want 5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase 6. 101 Games to Play in the Road 7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Divingboard is the Flusher 8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub,a Blowdryer,and a Fork 9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games 10. Arthur Gets Hunted 11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi 12. Monsters Killed Grandpa 13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" Mrs.Clause is your real Mom 14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul 15. All Guns Squirt Water 16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street 17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite 18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain 19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish 20. 101 recipies to make with Dog 21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree 22. The New Boy is Bad 23. Your Nightmares are real 24. The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs 25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis 26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender 27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious..... 28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption 29. Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap 30. Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower 31. Grampa Gets A Casket 32. Dad's New Wife Robert 33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refridgerator Rate This Joke: -2 (  +  |   -   ) The Name Game 10.01.05 If Kitty Carlisle married Conway Twitty, she'd be Kitty Twitty. If Yoko Ono married Sonny Bono, she'd be Yoko Ono Bono. If Dolly Parton married Salvador Dali, she'd be Dolly Dali. If Bo Derek married Don Ho, she'd be Bo Ho. If Oprah Winfrey married Depak Chopra, she'd be Oprah Chopra. If Cat Stevens married Snoop Doggy Dogg (hey! it's the '90's!), he'd be Cat Doggy Dogg. If Olivia Newton-John married Wayne Newton, then divorced him to marry Elton John, she'd be Olivia Newton-John Newton John. If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster. If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting. If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver. If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg Pooh. How about a baseball marriage? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd be Boog Alou. If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G. Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name, so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married Howard Hughes, and then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare. If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale. If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener. If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur. Rate This Joke: 6 (  +  |   -   ) Totally Useless Info 10.01.05 1. Coca-cola was originally green. 2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury. 3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever. 4. Dumbest dog: Afghan 5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. 6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better. 7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2 8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000 9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong 10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska 11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4 12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12 13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% 14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% 15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44% 16. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33 17. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7 18. Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36% 19. Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43% 20. City with highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists: Washington DC 21. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80% 22. % of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50% 23. % of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58% 24. % of women who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 85% 25. Number of different family relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105 26. Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400 27. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000. 28. Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World: 70% 29. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. 30. Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3 31. Portion of potatoes sold that are French fried: 1/3 32. Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonald's each day: 7 33. Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90% 34. Percentage of mammal species that are: 3% 35. Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50% 36. Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5 37. Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7. 38. Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3 39. Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanon 40. Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt 41. Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for "Profiles in Courage" 42. Only President awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals 43. Only food that does not spoil: honey 44. Only person to win $64,000 Challenge and $64,000 Question: Dr. Joyce Brothers (subject is boxing) 45. Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird 46. Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica 47. Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig 48. Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water. 49. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it. 50. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees. 51. Polar bears are left-handed. 52. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. 53. Eskimos never gamble. 54. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. 55. The youngest pope was 11 years old. 56. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school. 57. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses. 58. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner. 59. Your nose and ears never stop growing. 60. Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined. 61. Hot water is heavier than cold. 62. The parachute was invented by da Vinci in 1515. 63. They have square watermelons in Japan. They stack better. 64. Cream does not weigh as much as milk. 65. Starfish have eight eyes-one at the end of each leg. 66. Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation. 67. First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer." 68. There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year. 69. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year. 70. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. 71. Men get hiccups more often than women. 72. Armadillos can be housebroken. Rate This Joke: -4 (  +  |   -   ) For more jokes make sure to visit our archives! Click Below! Back to Main | Submit a Joke | List Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved