MEN JOKES Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Men Archives Condoms 10.01.05 A father and his son go into the grocery store when they happen upon the condom aisle. The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms. The father replies, "Well, you see that 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday night." The son then asks his father, "Well what's the 6 pack for?" The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're in college. You have 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning. Then the son asks his father what the 12 pack is for. The father replies, "Well, that's for when you're married. You have one for January, one for February, one for March..." Submitted By: katelyn The new Men's Thesaurus 10.01.05 "I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical". "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works." "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra." "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD". Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Means: "Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES". Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt." "HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING". Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Means: "What did you catch me at?" "I HEARD YOU." "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE." Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving." "I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Means: "No one will ever see us alive again." "WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK." Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up." Rate This Joke: 7 (  +  |   -   ) Third Boob 10.01.05 Everyone thought God created man before woman. That is not true. In fact he created woman first, but with three boobs God: So now that you are here how do you feel about yourself? Eve: Well to be honest I feel alright, however I don't think I need this center boob. God: We can correct that. There now how do you feel? Eve: I feel great! (Looking at her hand...) Woman: Excuse me God? God: Yes Woman: Now what do I do with this usless boob? *POOF* Man was created. Rate This Joke: -2 (  +  |   -   ) Ideal World 10.01.05 This could be considered THE ideal world for many men: His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties. His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy. A picture of his wife on the milk carton. Rate This Joke: -17 (  +  |   -   ) For more jokes make sure to visit our archives! Click Below! Back to Main | Submit a Joke | Men Archives Copyright ©2008 www.dumweb.com, All Rights Reserved